Our Memories Disguise Us
by LottiePoynterr
Summary: Dougie has a nightmare and it causes him to tell the rest of the band about his disturbing past. One Shot. What can I say.. I suck at summaries and it's better than it sounds! PUDD but just Harry comforting Dougie :) Warning: Could be triggering and contains mentions of violence. Rated M just in case. FIRST FANFIC ALERT! Hope you enjoy it!


**Warning: May be triggering, mentions of violence. **

**I wrote this for a competition and it is the FIRST FANFICTION I'VE EVER WRITTEN. I know it's not that good but I quite like it. I'd like to say thank you to Danny's Stargirl, kbeto + lozzigurl if they're reading this because their advice to me helped me to realise what is wrong with this story and if I write anything else, I promise it'll be better! Also their writing is AMAZING and I love it! Thank You, hope you like it. x**

* * *

**Dougie's POV**:

-_'You're a pathetic piece of dirt.. Nobody likes you… You're a little son of a bitch that everybody hates and you deserve to die as well..' he pulled out a gun and pointed it right at me, I try to run but I'm stuck.. I know he's going to get to me eventually so I stop where I am and turn around.. I hear the gun fire and..'_-

I woke up gasping for breath, screaming and cold sweating. Then I realise where I am and also _what I've done_. I realise I'm on the tour bus and I look up to find Harry, Danny and Tom all looking at me concerned. Harry tries to sit beside me but I don't let him. _He can't know what I've done_, none of the boys can. They'd all think I'm a scruff and they'd laugh at me and beat me up just like _he_ used to. I see their faces looking down at me and I can't help but burst into tears. I know that_ he_ was right now. That I'm just pathetic piece of dirt and that I'm weak, but still, I can't stop crying. I hear Harry asking me what's wrong and I can hear the hurt and confusion in his voice but I can't find the energy to stop crying and answer him.

**Harry's POV**:

Me, Tom and Danny had all just gotten back on the tour bus when we heard a sort of whimpering noise coming from inside Doug's bedroom. We looked at each other, concerned, and decided to go and check on our band's youngest member. When we got into his room, the sight worried us all. Dougie was sitting up in his bed panting, screaming and covered in sweat. We hurried towards him and I went to sit next to him but for some reason, he wouldn't let me. He looked up at us all and I can see the hurt and worry in his eyes. He slowly began to cry and within a minute he was letting out loud, heart-breaking sobs. Instead of choosing to sit next to him again, I just crouched down to his level and rubbed circles on his back, hoping to comfort him and calm him down until he wanted to talk to us. Eventually, he stopped crying and his breathing got less ragged. He waited 5 minutes and then looked up at me with guilty looking eyes.

'What's the matter, Dougs? Did you have a nightmare?' I asked gently, still wondering why he looked so scared.. and guilty. After a second's hesitation he nodded and I tried to pull him into a hug. However, again, he wouldn't let me move him in the slightest way.

'It's okay, Dougie. We're not going to hurt you, just stand up and come and sit with us for a bit, yeah?'

'N-nn-no.' He whispered back. We could all hear the hurt and fear in his voice. He also sounded ashamed.

'Why not, Pugsley?'

'Well, I-II- I got s-scared and I-I've…' He trailed off and his eyes filled with fresh tears.

'You've what, Dougs?' I asked, starting to get concerned as to why he didn't want to move. He shakily moved his hand up to the top of his blanket and began to pull it off from on top of him. Then we realised why he didn't want to move. As he pulled the blanket down the reason slowly started sneaking into our eye lines. He'd wet the bed because of his nightmare. Almost the whole mattress was soaked as well as the whole of both of his legs. He looked up and me with apologetic eyes.

'I'm sorry I really am, I didn't mean to, I promise, It was an accident, I'll clean it up, I'll move out, It will never happen again and you won't have to deal with me anymore, I'll be gone, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…' He carried on pleading with us to forgive us and telling us that he'd leave and that we wouldn't have to '_put up with him_' anymore. I raised my hand to go and rub his back again but he flinched away. What he said next was what worried me the most.

**Danny's POV**:

We all felt sorry for Dougie when he revealed to us that he'd wet the bed. We all knew that he had anxiety issues and that all he wanted in the band was to fit in. We've all told him that he's our best mate and that he fits in perfectly but he's never believed us. He had always been quiet and reserved and none of us had ever questioned it. We all just thought that he wanted to chill and keep himself to himself. Little did we know that he'd had one of the worst pasts imaginable.

**Tom's POV**:

Harry leant forward to comfort Dougie as he had done just minutes earlier. You could see the confusion on Harry's face and suddenly,

'DON'T HIT ME! Please don't hit me again I don't like it! I didn't mean to! I'll move out and I'll never come back and you'll never have to see me or deal with me ever again! Just please don't hit me again, Please!' Dougie's voice broke as he said the last word and he erupted into floods of tears. None of us were expecting him to say that in the slightest. In a way, none of us wanted to even think about why Dougie thought we'd ever lay a finger on him but Harry was hurt and annoyed with whoever had made Dougie feel like this and he wanted answers.

**Harry's POV**:

I was fuming when I thought of anybody hurting Dougie in any way. He was always so good and never did anything wrong. He had always stuck by any rule we had given him and had never questioned a single thing we'd told him. He never argued with anybody no matter what they'd said to him. He was so perfectly innocent. I quickly pulled him into a tight hug, determined never to let him go and never to let him get hurt ever again. I tried to swallow my anger and questions but I just couldn't.

'Why do you think that anybody would ever hurt you Dougie?' I asked quietly. He couldn't find the strength to answer properly and he just ended up mumbling gibberish in my ear. I decided just to stay hugging him a little longer until he could calm down and tell me properly.

**Dougie's POV**:

I knew that I'd have to tell the boys eventually and so almost as soon as I'd realised that Harry couldn't understand what I was saying to him, I started to try and calm myself down as much as I could. When I eventually got into a state where I could talk again, I decided that it was time.

'H-h-harry?' I muttered.

'Yeah Dougs?'

'I-i-i think I'm ready to tell you n-now..'

'Okay then, Butty. Just take your time though, yeah?' I nodded and took a deep breath.

'W-well, about a-a year before I got into t-t-the band, I found out that my-my dad h-had b-be-been h-h-hi..' I could feel my chest starting to tighten up and my hands starting to shake, I'd never told this to anybody before. Harry took hold of one of them and tried to calm me down a bit.

'It's okay, Dougie, just take your time, we're not going to leave you.' I nodded again and took another deep breath before I continued.

'I found out that my dad had been.. h-he'd been.. h-he'd been h-hitting m-my mum.' I stopped for a second and I heard gasps slip from the others' mouths.

'Yeah. And so I c-confronted him about it a-and he.. h-he hit me. Then a-after that, whenever he w-was sad o-or a-angry about anything, h-he'd c-come a-and b-b-beat me up. I-i-i never complained b-because I'd rather h-he was h-hitting me than my s-s-sister or my mum. B-but t-t-then one day, h-he c-came in a-a-and h-he-he..' I trailed off again.

'It's okay, Dougs. Take it slow. You don't have to remember all at once, we know how hard this is for you.' Again, all I did was nod and take a deep breath.

'So, he came i-in and h-he tried t-to r-r-r-ra-rape me.' I couldn't carry on. I just curled up into a tight ball and burst into tears.

**Harry's POV**:

I seriously wanted to go and find Dougie's bastard of a dad and punch him clean in the face for what he did to his own son. I had nothing to say to Dougie when he stopped this time and so instead I just sat on his bed beside him, not caring about his soiled sheets, and pulled him onto my knee. He almost immediately put his arms around my neck and buried his head into my shoulder. I gently stroked his hair and waited for him to calm down. Around 20 minutes later, he did.

'Is it ok if I carry on now?' He murmured to me.

'Of course its okay. As long as it's what you want though, yeah?' He nodded at me and carried on.

**Dougie's POV**:

'After he r-r-raped me, he seemed to ba-back off a bit and I wasn't as scared to c-confront him.. so I did. We h-had this full blown argument about e-everything that had happened a-and then I told h-him t-that he-he wasn't m-my da-dad and that h-he should just g-go an-and-and d-d-d-die.' I took a moment to make sure that the next time I spoke I wouldn't burst into tears again.

'T-then.. f-fo-four days b-before I g-got into the b-b-band, I got h-home from school a-and I c-couldn't hear anybody h-home. I k-knew m-my dad was meant to be in and so I w-went upsta-airs to l-look for h-him. I w-walked into hi-his a-and mum's r-r-room and f-foun-nd him. He-he-he'd h-h-hun-ng h-himself a-a-aaan-nd…' Again I had to stop as I could feel new tears pricking at my eyes.

'Dougie. I'm so sorry, you don't have to carry on if you don't want to. We completely understand.' Harry said whilst gently stroking my head. I didn't really want to carry on, but I knew that the rest of the guys wanted to know. I also knew that it would also be good just to get everything off my chest so that I could chill out more around them and not have to worry about them finding out any secrets. I also knew that I owed them an explanation about my little accident.

'N-no. I-it's okay. Yeah, s-so after I f-found him there. I k-kn-knew that it was m-my fa-fault and that my m-mum would n-never forgive me so I r-ran away to London. I g-got here and had nowhere to stay s-so I just crashed out on a p-park bench for the days until the audition. O-on the audition d-day I had to g-go to some hostel place to get a shower and some f-fresh clothes and then I set off. Then I got in the band and everything was better but t-then I-i don't know why but I started having these n-nightmares a-and then t-his happens and t-that's why I always insist on d-doing all of our washing b-because I thought you'd think I-i was a-a scruff a-and a pa-pathetic piece of dirt l-like _he_ said I was.' I stopped and fought back yet more tears. I was nervous as to what they'd say after I told them.

'Oh Dougs. It's okay. We'd never think anything bad about you, you're just perfect and we love you. And your dad may not have been there for you but we always will be. I promise.' Harry said to me when I'd finished and for the first time in my life, I felt like I properly belonged. I could tell from his voice that Harry meant every word of what he was saying and I could see, in that one moment, that everything was going to be okay, and no matter what happened over the years, I'd always have McFly.

* * *

**So there we go.. it's over! I'm sorry about the cheesy, clichéd ending but it was cute and cheered up the story. It would have been a tad too depressing if everyone would have died or something at the end so I decided to leave that idea. Also, I know Dougie's dad isn't this bad and also that his dad being abusive is a storyline that is chosen a lot but I find it quite easy to write about for some reason. I don't know why this story came to me it just sort of did and I quite liked it so I went and just randomly entered it in a competition. What did you think? Please review! Thanks for reading! x**


End file.
